Positive Thoughts for the Day

I'm really blessed to be a part of the community of CFL Wesley. Those who know me know how important Wesley has been in my life, and honestly I probably wouldn't be alive if it weren't for the relationships that I have built in my almost 3 years in this campus ministry. It's been wonderful to step up as a leader this semester, and now even go a step further and join student staff. It's my way of being able to pour back into the ministry that poured into (and still pours into) me. Tonight the community group that Will, Jeanne and I lead will just be having a fun time as a "family" sharing yummy snacks, playing fun games and tie-dying our shirts for our team for fall retreat. I can't believe fall retreat is next weekend! It's one of my favorite parts of the fall semester with Wesley, and the fact that our community group is so close knit and gets along together so well will only make the weekend better.

I say all this because 99% of the friendships I have right now were formed through Wesley. What's awesome about these relationships is that they go way beyond the surface level, and I am encouraged all the time by the quality time and conversations I have with my friends that I've made. Last night during worship at Wesley, I was overcome with joy and love that I felt for one of my friends, knowing that we have been able to support one another during hard times, and that we have the type of relationship that we can pray for and intercede for one another. Another friend and I have begun to have coffee on a (usually) weekly basis, and it's so amazing to know I have that outlet to have really encouraging, fun and thoughtful conversations. Today we talked about her new (awesome!) relationship with an amazing guy, my not so lucky love-life, the things that God is doing in both our lives, family stuff, fun stuff, etc. I was able to share with her something I feel God is confirming in my life, and the encouragement and positivity she gave me was amazing, and helped me feel like I'm on the right track.

I've had a handful of really good, strong friendships throughout my life, and some of them still exist today, but I would have to say that it wasn't until I got to college, and until I found CFL Wesley that I discovered how to form valuable, lasting friendships. I will be forever thankful for these friendships, and know that many of them will last well beyond college.

Finding my Spark (again)

So this past week was definitely a difficult one. I struggled with a lot of insecurities and negative thoughts, and loneliness. It got to the point where it was hard to feel motivated in my classes, and even in my responsibilities at Wesley. I was just feeling distant and, because I can be petulant, I didn't really go to God with how I was feeling.

Today was a nice change, though, starting with my prayer time before bed last night. It was one of those times where I felt like I was having a dialogue with Him, and finished that time feeling peaceful. The early part of today was a nice little excursion down to Winter Park with my friend Ana to see our friend Megan at the cafe she works at, and to go to the art festival in the park. It ended up being really hot, but it was fun nonetheless. Summit was what really helped me today. The worship tonight was absolutely wonderful, especially the last song that we sang. I'll post it at the end of this post. It was another instance of feeling extremely connected to God, and feeling like I was hearing from Him.

The sermon tonight was about being faithful where we are at, not waiting for everything to be perfect or calm, or get everything right with others, because if we wait, we'll never be faithful. It also touched on being open to things that we had never considered before, because God might have great blessings in those areas that we didn't know we wanted. For me, lately I've felt more and more like God may be calling to serve and love on those in the LGBTQ community. From my experience with Zebra Coalition, to the relationships I have made with friends who consider themselves LGBTQ, I am beginning to realize that one of the best ways I can show God's love on this Earth is to love those whom many cast out. That's exactly what Jesus did, and I am called to live, and love, like Him.

I'm also excited to begin serving more at Wesley with Student Staff tomorrow. I think I'm beginning to get my spark back. I just need to keep focusing more on Him and living out my faith in Him, than on myself.

Proud of my Zebra Stripes

Today was so awesome! It was Orlando's Come Out with PRIDE festival, and I, along with my friend Ana, and some of my classmates, volunteered with an agency called Zebra Coalition for the better part of the day. It was hot, miserable, sweaty, and I have probably the worst sunburn I've ever had, but it was SO worth it. 

Zebra Coalition is an umbrella agency that provides a full range of services to at risk LGBTQ youth, including a safe house, homeless shelter, crisis hotline, and connections with education resources, counseling and resources for domestic abuse, sexual abuse, drug abuse, etc. It's such an amazing agency and provides priceless services to one of the most vulnerable populations in our country. Today we had a raffle for an xBox, and a yamaha scooter, amazing shirts and other merchandise to raise money, information walls and tables, airbrush tattoos, and even live animals from the central florida zoo. 

It was an amazing experience for me. I know a lot of people I know might wonder why in the world I was at this event, and would even dare to question my faith or my beliefs, and that makes me really sad. Regardless of my personal beliefs on homosexuality in regards to one's spiritual life, I do know that God did not create a single being he does not love, and that Jesus' ministry on earth was with the "fringe" of society... that He spent his time on Earth loving on and spending time with and defending those that others would not. For that reason, I am supportive of the LGBTQ community, and believe that they deserve to be treated no differently than anyone else. Like Zebra Coalition's inspiration of how  no two zebras have the same stripes, we are ALL different, and we are ALL loved by God. 

I truly enjoyed being able to witness the diversity of His creation today, and the range of personalities, faces, and ideals that all came out to support PRIDE. I saw couples both gay and straight, people from ages 1-80, people in costume, people with dogs, Christians and athiests. And the amazing thing was that, for the most part, everyone was smiling, everyone was polite, and no one had to feel like they weren't supposed to be there. 

Ana and I with an awesome Drag Queen who was sweet enough to take a picture with us!

It was amazing to be there as a volunteer, and I sincerely hope that we were able to reach at least one person who might've been in need of our services, and at the very least, that we informed people who didn't know that a group like us was out there or even existed. This was much more than fulfilling service learning hours for me, it was an experience I wouldn't trade for the world. :) (although I might give up the awful sunburn...)

Coffee, Community & Cheerfulness

Since my last post, this week has been really good! I've seen so many ways that God has blessed me this week, and I think that's pretty awesome.

Wesley was amazing Tuesday night. Erwin's message on Psalm 23 spoke to my heart, and encouraged me. Alex, Ben and Erika's worship helped me to connect with Him, and it felt like so much more than just singing words, like worship can sometimes feel, but like true communion with Him. Even though leadership was a little serious, with sad news, God also used it to tug on my heart, and to show me another area in which I can serve - on Student staff at wesley! I think it will be a good way for me to focus outside of myself.

Wesley also announced its summer missions trips (discovery trips!) on Tuesday. We are going to The Bahamas, Florida City and Nigeria this year. I honestly am kind of flummoxed as to which trip I am going to go on, because I am feeling called where I was not expecting to feel called. Last year, I felt a tug on my heart to go to India, and I know that I'm going to end up there some day, some way. But I wouldn't trade my experiences in New Orleans for anything. So this year I was sure that I was going to go on an overseas mission this summer! But when we discussed the trips after Wesley, I began to feel a tug on my heart for the Florida City mission, where we will be spending the week with kids, just loving on them and giving them somewhere to go during the summer, and working with some of the farmworkers there. Nigeria would be an amazing experience too though! And there are so many other variables that I'm thinking about too... whether or not I will have another opportunity to go over seas with Wesley, prices, etc... Needless to say I will be praying a lot for guidance and direction.

Community group last night was really lovely as well... I know that God put me in place as a co-leader of this group for a reason, and that each member was led to this group for a reason as well. We all mesh well, get along, and are able to be open with one another. It's a weekly reminder about how amazing the community at Wesley is, and how valuable it has been and continues to be in my life. I'm looking forward to Fall Retreat in a few weeks, and I think that if we are already in such a good place, that by the end of the semester we will be a little family unit! :)

If you're wondering why I included coffee in the title of this post, it's because I think I'm officially addicted... I didn't start drinking coffee til this summer, and I still can't drink just plain coffee, because its too bitter. But I have to say, I'm really starting to love it. And now that I'm on that caffeine kick, I don't think I can get off it! I even gave in and got a Starbucks rewards card. I'm going to be really sad when they take the seasonal drinks away again... Guess that's just an excuse to get as many as I can before the end of the year! :)

Not Content

This weekend basically flew by... Kind of like this entire semester so far! I can't believe that today was the first day of October. It definitely doesn't feel like it yet, here in Florida. I am so ready for cooler weather, and really jealous that my parents are in 50 degree weather right now, and get to see the fall leaves.

Summit was wonderful last night, Issac's message really spoke to my heart, and they played two of my favorite hymns, Come Thou Fount and In Christ Alone. There were moments last night that touched me in a way that I can't properly express in words. For those who know me, it's pretty obvious that I have extremely low self esteem and self worth, and it's hard for me to accept love from others, especially from God. Issac spoke on 2 Peter 1:3-9, to start off a new sermon series. His commentary on verses 3-4 was something I definitely needed to hear. The verses state,

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."


Can we just take a minute to think about how amazing it is that God's given us everything we need already? How much time do you spend a day thinking about the things you don't have - and I don't mean just material things, but the relationships, the praise, the good feelings - and wishing that you had more? I know for me, it is way way too much. It all comes down to trust, if we could just trust Him enough, trust in His provision and love, we would realize that He has given us everything we need to live a full and fulfilling life.

This is extremely hard for me. To believe that He loves me so much, so completely. After I repeatedly fail, again and again, to live my life fully for Him, to be so in love with Him that nothing else matters. I can talk about how wonderful His provision and love are, but if I can't accept it, and if I can't let that love guide my every action, ultimately it is as if I never accepted Him in the first place. I am at the place right now, a season some would call it, of extreme internal struggle. I don't know what the best route is to try and figure out how to accept His love... if I should go more the route of reason, of apologeticism, or rely strictly upon prayer, and spiritual trust. I would guess that a combination of the two would be ideal, but I don't really know where to start. I am not content with just coasting through life though, with going through the motions.

I'm not content.