Feel Free to Disregard.
I'm SO FREAKING MAD. This semester has been crazy for many reasons, least of which includes the excess of school work and the heavy load that the second semester of Social Work at UCF brings. Dealing with school, family, friend and Wesley stuff, along with internal struggles has left me feeling drained and I'm trying to keep turning to God for comfort and peace.
But I really really really really really can't stand it when Professors can't or won't do their jobs well. I am so blessed, and probably spoiled by Mary Mann. She is an amazing professor, and not only is there for us as people, caring about us as individuals, but she actually TEACHES, and, you know, gives assignments in due time, and realizes that we aren't only in her class. I can't say the same for all my professors.
I came home seething this afternoon from class. We haven't done hardly ANYTHING this semester in this class, he comes in 10 minutes late every week, doesn't even follow the syllabus, doesn't really teach anything, reads from his notes and has us write definitions down verbaitum to be spewed back out for quizzes, gets on tangents that don't really add anything to class content, lets us out usually an hour or more early, and then TODAY, decides to give two major assignments over the next two weeks, at the same time all of us are finishing/working on our major lit reviews for our social work research classes. OH, and he won't give us the outline/rubrics for the assignments until the week before its due. So, for example, our community meeting assignment, in which we have to attend a meeting and then write a paper/present a summary, is due April 10, but we don't get the rubric of what all we need to do/include until April 3, so we have exactly one week to not only find a community meeting, but attend said meeting, write a paper and prepare a presentation, to be presented the following week. MAKES NO SENSE AND I JUST UGHHHH I'm SO ANGRY.
And don't even get me started on my research class. I thought that it was the worst, and that I was frustrated with it and how we were doing assignments and stuff, but even it is an improvement to this stupid Assessing II class. I have no problem that we have these assignments, they're great assignments, but maybe you know, space them out throughout the semester, and you know, actually teach content, and maybe, you know, do your job. -.-
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Roller Coaster Weekend
Spring break is officially over, and I feel like I wasted a lot of it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed getting to spend time with people I don't normally get to see, and even ones I see on a regular basis. I love quality time with the people I love. But I put off a lot of schoolwork and did the whole out of sight out of mind thing, and now I'm facing a bumpy next few weeks full of catching up, being busy and trying not to go insane.
These last few days of break have been pretty crazy and unexpected, to be honest. Friday I finally started (barely) to work on my research paper that I need to have finished or mostly finished by April 5. Which is coming up way too soon. Then I went to training at Zebra for the front desk volunteer position. I'm excited to start volunteering but also scared out of my mind that I won't do a good job, and I don't want to let Dexter, MM or the Zebra team and clients down... So nervous. My first day of volunteering is the 22nd, the day before our group project presentation in Research... not the best planning. Then Lisa and Julie and I had a girls night at Mellow Mushroom, which was really nice.
Saturday I went to niceServe with Lily, Brook and Will and we worked at Beta Center with other summit attendees doing various things around the Center. We cleaned high chairs, carpets, emptied gutters, raked leaves and scrubbed down all the playgrounds. It was so fulfilling and I got to meet new people and even make a new friend. Then I found out that a friend of mine who I lost touch with in the last year or so unexpectedly passed away Friday night. It was so shocking and jarring, I didn't even know what to think or feel at first. I ended up being the one who told a couple of our mutual friends, two of whom lived with this person and were like brothers with him. It was heartbreaking for me... He was one of the first people I became friends with at Wesley, and one of the people who was there for me initially when I started struggling during my freshman year... He is one of the people from whom I have a letter of encouragement in my "box" that Dan had me put together to turn to when I'm feeling down. The sad thing is that we haven't been close since the beginning of my sophomore year of college, and I was actually really hurt by a lot of things that he did. I held a lot of bitterness and cynicism towards him, and never resolved that or was able to talk it out with him. I honestly didn't think I needed to or really think much about it, but now I'll never get the chance to. I just hope he knows that I'm sorry. That I'm sorry that I let myself be judgemental and cynical and let that cloud how I thought of him. And I also hope he knows that he will forever have had an impact on my life - that he impacted so many lives...
Saturday night a group of us got together at Brittany's apartment and had a prayer gathering to pray for his wife (of 3 weeks) and his parents and family. I didn't even know if it was appropriate for me to go or not, I was afraid I'd be called out for being there since I've really only been judgmental and cynical towards him for the last year or so... I guess guilt was the best way to describe what I was feeling. But no one seemed to feel that way, at least they didn't tell me so, which I'm thankful for. I don't want it to seem fake... I just regret that it took this happening for me to realize all this... We sang worship together, prayed quietly and aloud, shared scripture and shared fond memories of him. It was true Wesley style, and exactly what he would have wanted. Everyone's still reeling, and in disbelief that this even happened. He's my first "peer" to pass away, the first person I was relatively close to that wasn't a family member. It's strange, and heartbreaking. I pray though that God will provide strength and comfort to everyone struggling with his passing - that we will all turn towards Him and draw near to Him for comfort, instead of away from him in confusion and anger. Not sure yet when the Memorial Service will be but I hope that I can attend. I hope as many people as possible from Wesley that he impacted can be there - to show his wife and his family how many lives he impacted and played a part in. I hope that he is able to feel it or see it too.
Sunday I ended up wasting, at least until the evening. I slept way too much and just moped about. Summit tonight was very convicting and I just felt heavy all during the service and still do now. I know guilt isn't from the Lord, but I'm struggling with how to translate it into something healthy and productive. I should already be in bed but the time change is messing with my body clock, and this week is going to be hectic, frantic and isn't going to slow down from the moment I wake up tomorrow morning. This is the time that I need to continually be turning back to Christ and centering myself in His peace. I'm not the greatest at that but I need to try my hardest, because it's the only way I'm going to make it through this week and really the rest of this crazy semester.
Despite everything that can go wrong in life, knowing that Christ is with us is enough. It has to be.
These last few days of break have been pretty crazy and unexpected, to be honest. Friday I finally started (barely) to work on my research paper that I need to have finished or mostly finished by April 5. Which is coming up way too soon. Then I went to training at Zebra for the front desk volunteer position. I'm excited to start volunteering but also scared out of my mind that I won't do a good job, and I don't want to let Dexter, MM or the Zebra team and clients down... So nervous. My first day of volunteering is the 22nd, the day before our group project presentation in Research... not the best planning. Then Lisa and Julie and I had a girls night at Mellow Mushroom, which was really nice.
Saturday I went to niceServe with Lily, Brook and Will and we worked at Beta Center with other summit attendees doing various things around the Center. We cleaned high chairs, carpets, emptied gutters, raked leaves and scrubbed down all the playgrounds. It was so fulfilling and I got to meet new people and even make a new friend. Then I found out that a friend of mine who I lost touch with in the last year or so unexpectedly passed away Friday night. It was so shocking and jarring, I didn't even know what to think or feel at first. I ended up being the one who told a couple of our mutual friends, two of whom lived with this person and were like brothers with him. It was heartbreaking for me... He was one of the first people I became friends with at Wesley, and one of the people who was there for me initially when I started struggling during my freshman year... He is one of the people from whom I have a letter of encouragement in my "box" that Dan had me put together to turn to when I'm feeling down. The sad thing is that we haven't been close since the beginning of my sophomore year of college, and I was actually really hurt by a lot of things that he did. I held a lot of bitterness and cynicism towards him, and never resolved that or was able to talk it out with him. I honestly didn't think I needed to or really think much about it, but now I'll never get the chance to. I just hope he knows that I'm sorry. That I'm sorry that I let myself be judgemental and cynical and let that cloud how I thought of him. And I also hope he knows that he will forever have had an impact on my life - that he impacted so many lives...
Saturday night a group of us got together at Brittany's apartment and had a prayer gathering to pray for his wife (of 3 weeks) and his parents and family. I didn't even know if it was appropriate for me to go or not, I was afraid I'd be called out for being there since I've really only been judgmental and cynical towards him for the last year or so... I guess guilt was the best way to describe what I was feeling. But no one seemed to feel that way, at least they didn't tell me so, which I'm thankful for. I don't want it to seem fake... I just regret that it took this happening for me to realize all this... We sang worship together, prayed quietly and aloud, shared scripture and shared fond memories of him. It was true Wesley style, and exactly what he would have wanted. Everyone's still reeling, and in disbelief that this even happened. He's my first "peer" to pass away, the first person I was relatively close to that wasn't a family member. It's strange, and heartbreaking. I pray though that God will provide strength and comfort to everyone struggling with his passing - that we will all turn towards Him and draw near to Him for comfort, instead of away from him in confusion and anger. Not sure yet when the Memorial Service will be but I hope that I can attend. I hope as many people as possible from Wesley that he impacted can be there - to show his wife and his family how many lives he impacted and played a part in. I hope that he is able to feel it or see it too.
Sunday I ended up wasting, at least until the evening. I slept way too much and just moped about. Summit tonight was very convicting and I just felt heavy all during the service and still do now. I know guilt isn't from the Lord, but I'm struggling with how to translate it into something healthy and productive. I should already be in bed but the time change is messing with my body clock, and this week is going to be hectic, frantic and isn't going to slow down from the moment I wake up tomorrow morning. This is the time that I need to continually be turning back to Christ and centering myself in His peace. I'm not the greatest at that but I need to try my hardest, because it's the only way I'm going to make it through this week and really the rest of this crazy semester.
Despite everything that can go wrong in life, knowing that Christ is with us is enough. It has to be.
RIP Shredder Dave. You will be missed. ♥
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Happy Birthday to me :)
I had a really amazing birthday. Both the actual day of that I spent with my family, and the party that I had with my friends this past weekend. It was honestly one of the best birthdays I've had in a very very long time. My actual birthday I spent with my parents. They came with me to Summit, and we spent the afternoon together - ate lunch, opened presents, watched home movies (which was part of my birthday presents - they had our old videos transferred to dvds) - and they took me out to dinner at Melting Pot, and we came home to watch the Oscars. I have an amazing relationship with my parents, and of late, we haven't had a lot of quality time together, so it was honestly exactly what I wanted to do on my birthday!
This past weekend I celebrated my 21st with my friends! Nothing crazy - but what was crazy was how loved and celebrated I felt. It was amazing to see all the people that actually wanted to come out for an evening to celebrate my birthday. It probably sounds silly, but it was really really amazing just to feel special. I'm not really good at having the attention on me, but in the low key setting of dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, it was just what my heart needed. We ate dinner at CPK, and then a smaller group of us headed over to friendly confines. Celebrating your birthday at restaurants has its advantages - I got a free birthday dessert (which was delicious) at CPK, and a free birthday shot at FC!). I ended the night with Charlie and Julie watching the Hunger Games. All in all, a wonderful, perfect birthday.
It's hard to believe spring break is already past its half way point! This semester is going by SO fast, and I'm having trouble staying invested in my studies. Things just aren't super engaging this semester, which is unfortunate, and I really can't afford to check out yet, considering how much I still have to do between now and the end of the semester. It's not unmanageable, but it will be hard. I really need to get my butt in gear! I probably should've waited to start back up netflix... Dr. Who is definitely messing with my productivity. :(
Overall, though, in a positive place with life right now. Lots of things to look forward to in the next month and a half to balance out the difficult school work ahead. I know all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, but I really hope I haven't strayed too far in the other direction! Buckle down time - NOW.
This past weekend I celebrated my 21st with my friends! Nothing crazy - but what was crazy was how loved and celebrated I felt. It was amazing to see all the people that actually wanted to come out for an evening to celebrate my birthday. It probably sounds silly, but it was really really amazing just to feel special. I'm not really good at having the attention on me, but in the low key setting of dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, it was just what my heart needed. We ate dinner at CPK, and then a smaller group of us headed over to friendly confines. Celebrating your birthday at restaurants has its advantages - I got a free birthday dessert (which was delicious) at CPK, and a free birthday shot at FC!). I ended the night with Charlie and Julie watching the Hunger Games. All in all, a wonderful, perfect birthday.
It's hard to believe spring break is already past its half way point! This semester is going by SO fast, and I'm having trouble staying invested in my studies. Things just aren't super engaging this semester, which is unfortunate, and I really can't afford to check out yet, considering how much I still have to do between now and the end of the semester. It's not unmanageable, but it will be hard. I really need to get my butt in gear! I probably should've waited to start back up netflix... Dr. Who is definitely messing with my productivity. :(
Overall, though, in a positive place with life right now. Lots of things to look forward to in the next month and a half to balance out the difficult school work ahead. I know all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, but I really hope I haven't strayed too far in the other direction! Buckle down time - NOW.
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